Absent Friends

 It has been a tough year for the cadre of my lifelong gaming group.

In early March, we suffered the sudden loss of Mike Haynes. I first met Mike in the fall of 1972. He was a year ahead of me in high school and a member of the Dartmouth High Wargaming Club. It was actually Mike who pointed me toward my first real job at age 16, stepping into the role his brother left behind when moving on to bigger things. As the years went on, life naturally got in the way—careers and family pushed wargaming to the backseat. Fortunately, we reconnected later in life and rediscovered the shared joy of pushing counters and moving figures across the tabletop.

Mike and Paul - Figures Paul's ECW army

Back in the 1970s and 80s, local high school clubs combined forces with university groups to create an ad-hoc gaming community: the Halifax-Dartmouth Wargaming League. Through that league, I built friendships that have lasted to this day, including one with Paul Smith. Paul was four years older and attending King’s College in Halifax at the time. After getting married and commencing a career in law enforcement in Ottawa, he quickly returned to Halifax and rejoined our circle.

Paul was a natural leader in our group. Over the years, the Halifax-Dartmouth Wargaming League morphed into the Atlantic Simulation Society—and the fact that the group was reborn over a dozen years ago was entirely due to Paul. He even got our association's Golf and T-Shirts printed.

The gang August 2015 Halifax NS L-R
Mike-Paul-Ross Mac - Mel Neily - Myself - Les

In the 70s Mike and Paul  traveled to an early Origins convention and came back raving about a massive new monster game: Drang Nach Osten. Over the years, both DNO and SPI’s Terrible Swift Sword took over my living room, staying set up for months at a time. Mike and Paul were fixtures during those marathons, plotting strategies usually on the same side of the board. In the late 1970s Mike introduced the local gaming community to Traveller, which he purchased at Origins.

Blitzkieg Commander - Mike, Paul, Les and Ross Mac

Eventually, distance and time loosened our routine once again—until the internet made it easy to re-establish those ties.

The gang at CanGames 2013 L-R
Mike - Paul -Joseph - Myself -Stuart - Steve

By the late 1990s, I had relocated to Montreal, Mike was in Ottawa, and Paul had settled on Nova Scotia’s South Shore. In 2013, the stars aligned and four of us descended on Ottawa for CanGames, all crashing in Paul’s son’s one-bedroom apartment. That weekend set a new precedent: meeting up in Ottawa for CanGames became standard practice, and it rekindled a regular online gaming session.

Gaming with Paul and Les - Dragon's Rampant 2023

Since then, we’ve met up in person whenever possible, while spending long, cold Saturday winter nights playing Civilization III, Civ V, and Civ VI on Steam. With Skype running in the background so we could kibitz and catch up while we played, it became our anchored social ritual. Whenever I visited Nova Scotia, I was always welcomed at Paul and Catherine's, where we'd naturally get some gaming in.

Catherine, Stuart and Paul - CanGames 2018

In 2024, Paul and Catherine decided to relocate to Ottawa to be closer to their children and grandchildren. It was the weekend of the move—the house was sold, and the final logistics were underway—when Paul was admitted to the hospital. Something was wrong.

I received a text message one morning from Catherine, followed by a call from Paul the next day. He was gravely ill and had been given two to three months to live. Unsure if he could physically manage the move to Ottawa given the level of care required, they arranged to stay temporarily with Catherine's brother in Liverpool. Paul asked me to come down for a week.

PanzerGruppe Guderian - End of turn 6

After coordinating with Catherine, a date was set, and I got to spend precious time with my longtime friend. We squeezed in one final game of PanzerGruppe Guderian and watched a lot of British murder mysteries. Soon after, Paul received the medical clearance to travel to Ottawa. He passed away just two weeks later.

The Time Tripper Team - CanGames 2019
The core of the Saturday night CIV VI Player Group

I feel fortunate that I had that final week to sit with him. While his passing lacked the sudden shock of Mike's, the loss cuts just as deep. In a painfully short span of time, our Saturday night Civ VI gaming circle has dropped from four players down to just two.

Last weekend, I spent time with Paul's family. His ashes came home on Friday, and they will be spread in Mahone Bay next summer—a spot he truly loved. Stories were shared, old photos were flipped through, and memories were re-lived. Catherine is still in the process of unpacking what was meant to be their final home together. I was deeply honoured to be invited to stand with them as they celebrated the life of a husband, father, grandfather, and—in my case—lifelong friend.

Tonight, I will raise a glass to both Mike and Paul, and to all absent friends.